Friday, May 27, 2005

Give Us That Old Time Agenda

The Conservative Party of Canada HIDDEN AGENDA is once more on the front pages of a major daily newspaper. My morning Globe & Mail has exposed the AGENDA yet again. Frankly, as a HIDDEN AGENDA, I think this one is a total bust. I mean, from whom is it now hidden? Must be from someone. Anyone who reads a newspaper can harldly avoid it. Despite it's HIDDEN nature, main-stream pundits write about it constantly. I think they are obsessed with it's HIDDEN element. I don?t blame them. Let the truth run free, I say. Besides, I like seeing Upper Canadians quivering in fear from scary things. It is a very entertaining sight.

Perhaps the pundits mean the AGENDA is HIDDEN from the illiterate. If so, this is completely unacceptable and I think that we need a nationally funded public sponsorship program to get the word out. I understand there is unused capacity in Quebec based Liberal PR firms at the moment that could be employed in this cause. Why, we could have banners strategically placed at every Olympic stadium in Quebec. That would saturate every small town in that province.

The rest of the country could have HIDDEN AGENDA moments on the CBC. Of course, this would only reach 356 people, but it would be a start. I'm sure we can hire consultants to advise us on how to reach the rest.

I would not recommend that the federal government air HIDDEN AGENDA commercials over loudspeakers at the Calgary Stampede. We must find other ways. The shock might be too great for Calgarians to stand. They think the AGENDA is in the OPEN because they've been shouting it from the rooftops for two decades now. Really! Telling them you haven't been listening here in Upper Canada would truly disappoint them and we want everyone in Canada to be happy and serene, not disappointed. Right?

According to the Globe, the HIDDEN AGENDA is something cooked up by Evangelical Christians and conservative Catholics. Of the 307 ridings in Canada these devious Christians have now succeeded in nominating three conservative Conservative candidates. Clearly this cannot end well. Apparently these people believe that: babies should be aloud to survive their womb experience; the sick and elderly ought to be able to have confidence they won't be given hemlock with their hospital intravenous drip; and that wedlock is a heterosexist only preserve. In addition they want to hold an general election to let the people decide. Shocking I know. We can't have that in Parliament. Haven't these people heard of Canadian values?

Yes, we certainly need a federal sponsorship program to expose the HIDDEN AGENDA. The nation's future depends on it. I nominate Joe Morselli, the Gondolafather, to run it. Sure he has a reputation as a HIDDEN kind of guy but, on the positive side, I understand he really knows how to influence people. Morselli could report directly to Belinda the Betrayer. She knows a thing or two about HIDDEN AGENDAS.

Serenity now. Serenity now. Serenity now.

5 Comments:

At 3:40 pm, May 27, 2005 , Blogger Les Mackenzie said...

"Apparently these people believe that: babies should be aloud to survive their womb experience; the sick and elderly ought to be able to have confidence they won?t be given hemlock with their hospital intravenous drip; and that wedlock is a heterosexist only preserve. In adition they want to hold an general election to let the people decide."

You evil bugger making me laugh aloud in my cubicle! Great post :D

Les

 
At 4:24 pm, May 27, 2005 , Blogger John the Mad said...

We can all use a laugh in these dark days. Thanks for your feedback.

 
At 9:02 pm, May 27, 2005 , Blogger bob said...

John,
Are you willing to be a part of the Wingnut Network?
After this singularly excellent post, you don't have a choice. Before the night is out, you'll be on the roll.

 
At 9:06 pm, May 27, 2005 , Blogger Canadi-anna said...

Meeting bigotry with humour is a cool thing.
Cheers.

 
At 12:29 am, May 28, 2005 , Blogger John the Mad said...

Bob:
The wingnut network? Now that's an interesting proposition. Let it be.

Canadi-anna
I'm begining to think that humour is the only wa to survive this ghastly mess.

 

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