Éireann go Brách

From Castle O'Mad I bring you tidings of great quaffing. T'is the 17th of March, otherwise known throughout the inebriated world as the feast day of Saint Patrick Guinness, patron saint of Irish pubs and singers of fine ballads wherein the Irish celebrate great defeats suffered at the hands of the pernicious Sassenach. (I confess to using a bit of hedgerow poetic licence here.)

My advice to you on this day is to drink in moderation. No more than four pints per hour is quite sufficient in my view. Of course this may be augmented when necessary by wee drops of the creature, also known in County Durham as Black Bush. A large serving of Irish stew is traditional, filling and prudent. Oh yes. Avoid the green beer. It's a sure sign of a Protestant trying to pass.

Now bow your heads for the blessing before the feast.

May the Good Lord hold you in the palm of His hand and not squeeze His fist too tight.