Poor Master Jordan

Today's Windsor Star contains an article about an 11 year old public schoolboy suspended for (gasp) gelling his hair into a mohawk replica of his soccer hero, David Beckham. It seems the more things change,the less school authorities are able to adapt. T'was ever thus.

Upon attending his class, young Master Jordan was confronted by his teacher and told to wash the gel from his hair. He refused and was sent to the office. There he once more refused to comply on the grounds that, "I think I should be able to wear my hair the way I want to." Silly Master Jordan.

When contacted, his mother supported his son on the grounds that, "It's not hurting anybody." She said she supports her son's desire to express himself through his hairstyle and there's nothing in the school policy that prohibits students from sporting a Mohawk. Silly mom. (It may be genetic.)

Apparently the school's failure to anticipate gelled Mohawks in its dress code was no deterrent to those who must be obeyed. He was suspended for two weeks! (We are told that the length of the suspension was determined by the fact that, "there was a history of issues over Jordan's behaviour." I bet. After all, the kid shows signs of possessing spunk (or is that punk?).

"I told the vice-principal he will be coming to school tomorrow with his hair like that," Muzzin [his mother] said, pointing to Jordan's spikes. (Teachers to the left of them. Principals to the right. Into the valley of death rode the Muzzin family.)

But superintendent Rod Peturson said such disruptions hurt other students, who come to school prepared to study. "If I'm a parent and I want my kid at school for an education, I don't want some kid's fashion statement to become a distraction."

Peturson said he applauds Jordan's teacher for wanting to keep the classroom "focused on instruction.... It was the ongoing gel, the mess and the primping which became a distraction."

I agree. Aside from the pure horror of the distraction, as a child of the sixties, I know in my heart that if you allow unorthodox hairstyles to flourish in the schools, the streets will soon be filled with peacenicks and the coalition of the willing will lose the war in Iraq. It's happened before.

So Master Jordan, I'm afraid John the Mad must support the cruel and arbitrary decision of the Superintendent Peturson. I know you probably aren't aware that the geopolitical destiny of the West is intimately entwined with your emerging testosterone surges and your antipathy to follow the bleating sheep in your classroom. But it is. O'the innocence of youth.

In your young exuberance and your mother's guileless simplicity you may think you'll win this struggle for independence, but I have every confidence in the capacity of the public school authorities to extinguish any trace of independent thinking from your character. They are the Borg. There must be no fashion distractions. You will be assimilated. The fate of the Western world depends on it.